I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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