What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
vagina is talking i cant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
