Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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