Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
