I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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