you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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