Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
