even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
