ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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