Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
