Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
