Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
