My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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