My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
