so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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