Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
