She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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