he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
