I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
