Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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