terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
