Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
