Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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