Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
