First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
