The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
