my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
