So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
