Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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