It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
