There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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