do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
