i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
