I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
