I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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