this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Green mimosas i think yes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
