I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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