Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
