Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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