There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
