I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
