He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
