So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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