You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
