Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize