hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
