There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
