What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
