So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
