Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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