I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so let's talk penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
