just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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