just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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