What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
