we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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