well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
