sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
